GOD AND THIS WIDOW

(Written in 2008)

Nearly impossible! That is what it would be to try to list, let alone describe sufficiently, the issues I am facing and have faced since August 31, 2006. Now, it would be misleading not to mention that some of them were existent when Ken was still here and we faced them together. The difference, not hard to guess, is that troubles were halved and joys were doubled. Trite? Nope. I didn't realize it so much then, but I do now. Life is just plain weird. It is 24 hours a day trying to figure out what to do...pretty much by yourself.

So, my days are filled with decisions about my faltering car, my finances, my unsure job, medicare and insurance, ministry, marketing my first book, getting the second one published and many other lesser matters. Add to that, family heartaches of many sorts. Then there is the situation surrounding the care of my 93-year-old mom and my older sister who takes care of her, as well as Ken's aging sister and brother-in-law.

My comfort and strength comes (not counting when my kids bless me) from three places: God's incredibly wonderful Word, my "sweet hours of prayer," and going to church. I don't think I have to explain any of those things or expound on them. Plain and simple, I would not have made it through without each of these blessings.

Yet, the problems keep coming. I found a significant pool of transmission fluid on my garage floor. The transmission guy says I have a leak...$1600 to fix. Will the car make it through December? Drive it easy and keep watch over the fluid level, he told me.

That's just one thing.

The widow's walk can be one of two things: striving to just keep going or beginning a whole new life of learning of God in a whole new setting. Two years have gone by and tonight I sensed strongly that I have turned a corner toward just leaving it all in the hands of my Great God that opened the Red Sea at the last moment when there was no hope. I say, "Well, Lord, You blew with Your nostrils and made it happen. I need something similar tonight."

I laid on my bed for a while just thinking about my list of "stuff" I need to take action on, looking at the Bible verse stuck to my wall above my door, letter by letter...Be still and know that I am God. I think I am. My body hasn't quite caught on yet, but my heart and spirit are trusting.

With a little spurt of energy at about 10:30 p.m., I began to straighten my room before flopping into bed. I picked up a piece of paper that I was using as a coaster and recognized that it was something I had written. Obviously, it had touched me once before or I would have never written it down, but tonight it touched me again. Here it is.

"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know;
in paths that they have not known, I will guide them.
I will turn darkness before them into light and rough places into level ground.
These are things I do and I do not forsake them."

Isaiah 42:16

He's talking about a widow. He's talking about a widow whose husband died on the day we were supposed to ride off into the golden years together. He's talking about a widow whose life was turned upside down in a moment. And He's talking about a widow who knows about blindness and darkness and rough roads.

He's talking about me. Do you wonder why His Word is my greatest treasure?